My Two Thousand Thirteen

Reflecting on the year 2013, which so quickly sailed on by...
There was so much change, experience, new, growth...so much searching, unknown, learned, stretching & enjoyment. There was heartbreak, restoration, simplicity, beauty, lost, found. So many Hello's, Goodbye's, insecurities, blessings, struggles, uncertainties, good times, laughs, good talks...

Best, yet toughest year thus far.
Looking back now, I don't think I would change a thing!
It is the most beautiful thing to replay the year in my head and watch the way Jesus works out everything for good. He is the master story writer. He's absolutely magnificent.

A few ways I would describe 2013 for me:

Broken down that I may be re-built

Lost that I may be found

Weak that I may be strong

Let go that I may embrace

The Puzzle of Circumstances

Over the past few months I have caught myself in this foolish thinking,

...Going over the circumstances of my life thinking, "if I don't find a job soon, then that is probably God telling me to move back home." or "Well, I don't want to go home anymore, but I already bought my plane ticket...so that must mean God wants me to go home."

I am pretty sure God doesn't manipulate us by our circumstances to get us to do what He wants.

Whats crazy is...that would make sense, being that He has given everything for us...but on top of that He gives us free will... and on top of that, he has blessed us with dreams, desires, gifts, and passions in which I believe He leads us by. When I dreamt to live in Australia for two years studying at Hillsong, he wanted me to do that. And he isn't going to throw weird circumstances (like not giving me job opportunities) at me in an effort to tell me to leave after one year. He is a lot bigger than our circumstances. So why do we so often let our circumstances and things guide us? Maybe because it is easy, and it often times can make the most "sense".
Anyways, I started doing this again the other day and realized how silly it was so I wrote this to myself. & Maybe it will help or inspire you too.

Quit living by your circumstances always looking at whats going on, wondering whether thats God shutting or closing the door. Its like you're trying to put your complicated life happenings together like a massive confusing puzzle...this happened, so that must mean that this goes here...and so on. Rubbish. This happened because you are human, and you need to take responsibility for your life, get some desires, dreams, and move forward no matter what "doors" you may have to plow down... do it with determination & passion for something bigger than yourself.

May we always be reminded to not live by our circumstances but to live by Jesus' Word - the lamp shining on our path, by the desires He has put in us, and the gift He has given us today. May we embrace each day, one at a time, doing our best with what is in our hand...all out of love & gratitude to Jesus. That is worship.

Freedom Found Within Trust

I've always told God I want to feel free to go anywhere and do anything with my life once I am done with college, or just all the time I guess. Recently I have found myself with all this freedom, realizing I asked for it. But why do I feel like I don't want it? I want what I had just a few weeks ago... plans made, and what looked like a good future set up for me. Yes plans, and all that are good and most times, vital. But maybe those plans aren't for right now or ever, maybe I haven't fully dreamed, or I've limited myself over the years as I have planned a future for myself, blindly trusting in other people and things.

I realized the other day that if you want freedom...freedom to go anywhere and do anything with your life, you can't have trust in anyone or anything else besides Jesus, who by his Spirit- guides you, aligns your desires and dreams with His, and who promotes you. 

Freedom is found within trust... & that trust, solely in one person: Jesus.
I wonder if I've felt like I don't want all this freedom because It means what I just said above. I have to trust in someone I can't see, someone I can't touch with my hands, or wrap my mind around. But what better person to trust than the One who holds everything together in His hand?

We can so easily cling to Gods working and moving in a persons life close to us, that we find security in that as long as we partner with them in life, things will be great, and successful. Meanwhile, unaware of it, we put ourselves on the back burner (where our dreams, desires and passions gradually become blurry, and distant). All the freedom we get then is the freedom to which we're given by them. Which therefor is false freedom.
Or we so easily cling to our talents/gifts (or things we THINK make us who we are), finding security in them. Therefor, we trust that they (talents/skills/strengths) will get us far in life, and they will give us real purpose, promotion, opportunity, satisfaction or whatever we may be reaching for.

But we must not put our trust in these people or things we try to find our value in. They aren't enough to get us far, to bring us lasting joy, and purpose. They will eventually fail. Then what happens when they fail? We've built (dreamt, shaped our desires, invested prayers, and planned) our life or our future around them, and then all we have built is gone. But maybe before we partner with anyone or anything, we must fully be trusted in Jesus & set on the desires, dreams and passions HE GIVES rather than the ones we gain from the influence of other people or things in our lives. 

God is jealous for us & our trust in Him. He is our strength to release the grip & security we find in everything else.

[And in these times in life where we realize, something needs to change, and we need to let go of some things, we can rely on Jesus for strength to get through it. Although, grace...the grace Jesus has given us, is way more than strength to just get through something. It is glory strength ("Strength that endures the unendurable and spills over into joy, thanking the Father who makes us strong enough to take part in everything bright and beautiful that he has for us." Colossians 1:12), that carries you above your circumstances, and more so that we can pull people up with us. Grace upon grace.]

Though its hard, I love when I am in situations where I have no other choice but to trust God, that he will get me somewhere, that he will provide, that he will lead me and so on. When all we are left with is wonder... it is a glorious place to be in. Wondering what God will do with our lives and situations we face, and than just being in wonder of His goodness, and the beauty and purpose in which He works. ♡

Loving God Loving People - The Esstentials

It's exciting when you realize that Faith isn't a mathematical equation (Like you gotta pray a certain way, and then read your Bible for and hour, and then go get someone saved.) It is simply knowing you are loved by God, who has been COMPLETELY gracious towards ALL of humanity.

And He gives us all of these blessings, adventures, desires and dreams to experience with him, that in the end it all will point back to Jesus. It is not Getting caught up in what's right and what's wrong, or what we need to do in order to live a God filled life. First of all, its already God filled. Just recognize it. Second of all, its not about ourselves, and what we do.

God doesn't want us to do anything, or read the Bible with the intention of trying to figure out what we need to do better. He simply wants us to fix our eyes on Jesus and trust Him and believe that the things we worry about have already been completely finished... then our hearts are lining up with His heart and we will automatically start to do the things that "please" him. (The Bible is not a list of requirements, or steps to this or that, its more of a list of blessings or results after experiencing Gods love for you and me.) We are no longer looking at ourselves and striving to do what He wants us to do. Otherwise, when we are trying to do the right thing and examining ourselves constantly to see what we can work on, we are putting trust in ourselves to work up to what we want to be, and doing it from our own strength (which will end up wearing you out,) instead of trusting Jesus to align our hearts with His and trusting that His Spirit will lead us to do the right thing at the right time. But only that comes out of resting in the finished work of the cross, and not looking at ourselves (death to self- Luke 9:23-24). What He wants is for us to be drawn to the person of Jesus more and more, in that, we may desire to fellowship with Him all throughout our day and look for him in every piece of beauty. Yes, we do need to study the Bible and learn about Jesus through the Bible, but most of all we need to include him on our day to day experiences and really learn to just be with him (not feeling the need to be in deep prayer, or biblical study, or something) if we want an actually relationship. Otherwise it's like we're just stalking some man and not truly getting to know them. When you are in any kind of relationship with someone you don't just read about them or generally you don't only talk to them... you be with them and you experience moments with them, you learn from them, you adventure with them and you love them. You see, life seems to be all about relationships. We were created to be in a relationship with God. From there... we reflect His love, and eventually lead others to also gaining a relationship with Him effortlessly. I believe relationships are simply about getting to know & being with the person. Relationships are not what you can get from the person, or about how you can impress them. The same is true with God. I think that we get caught up in looking for acceptance from people and from God, so we waste our energy trying to impress, when really we are just being oppressed...(I don't know if the oppressed part made sense in there, but it rhymed...so.) We should just be looking for enjoyment in loving people and loving God and experiencing life with them.

Not to forget that we are even able to love only "because He first loved us." (1 John 4:19)
This life is about His love for us. When we experience His love for us, we then are compelled to love Him back, and one another, just as He called us to. And in that, I believe you will truly love and find beauty in life. 

You & I are Gods Beloved. That is so stinkin' great.

Our Anchor

Hebrews 6:19 “We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure...”

Anchor: “A person or thing that can be relied on for support, stability, or security."

He holds us up when we can’t stand, when we're weak, He is our strength, He keeps us stable amidst our uncertainty.

What a hopeful, and safe feeling; knowing Jesus is our anchor//Love is our anchor. When everything around us fails, confuses, hurts, worries, we are anchored in the unfailing, unchanging, faithful, true, loving, careful, steadfast God. 

Lately I've been getting overwhelmed by everyones different ideas, and things "God has told them" and all that. It confuses me, and just annoys me sometimes. What people say Gods told them and stuff, a lot of the time it all contradicts each other. What the heck. I know its because were human and can mix it up, or think what we want or feel is what Gods saying. But it so wonderful, that Jesus is consistant in what He says in His word, He knows me more than I know myself, and He is speaking to me whether I realize it or not. Its nice that we don't have to drown or get tossed around in the sea of what everyone else says and does, but we are being held steadfast by an Anchor so true, and so loving.

I love it. 

& of course, knowing that no matter what we do, we are loved. 

There is so much hope. I can't imagine living without knowing that.

Thanks Jesus. Thanks for everything. Its an honor to live for You.

& I like anchors.

Gracious Rest

This year has been one of the best years of my life, but also the most rough. All year I had been praying over and over, God what do you want me to do? Where can I go? I want to do big things, I want to go somewhere extravagant, I want to dream big... But what shall I do, where shall I go & what should I dream about? I felt so confused and lost in my own desire to see his will be done... I guess thats a good place to be in, but its really hard. I've felt so anxious about what I'm supposed to do, where to go and how to get there and stuff. I feel like im blindfolded, and like God doesn't see my uncertainty or hear my questions, but I know he does, and He is completely & always faithful, I just wasn't feeling like that all school year. But could it be that He is always with us, always holding our hand, and always trying to lead us, but we just get so caught up in our selfish thoughts, circumstances, fears and our own striving, that we dont realize Jesus right there wanting a simple reliance on Him? Could it be that sometimes He takes us through deeper waters of uncertainty and stuff so that we may learn to trust the only One worth trusting? I think we go through tough things, and seasons of uncertainty sometimes so that we realize our inability to do anything right and begin to put our trust in Him, living under this Grace He has freely given. This Grace...ahh, this beautiful Grace that when we come to our end and realize our total weakness, He is strong and can be glorified all the more. "But he said to me,“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong." (2 Cor. 12:9-10)

Grace calls us out of our sin, and failures and into His righteousness. Its so mind-blowing when we stop trying to figure out things or do things right, and just quit trying to do anything in our own efforts. We've got to give up. Give up on our striving. We shouldn't try to make our selves right. Jesus did that. We shouldn't have to strive. Jesus did that. So we REST. We rest completely in the finished work of Jesus Christ. Now that is ALL the FULFILLMENT we EVER NEED. If your going to strive, strive to rest. Hah. When we rest in the finished work, the fruit of the spirit is enabled in our lives. The more we focus on Jesus, instead of ourselves, the more the fruit of the Spirit leads our actions. & the more we naturally want to love, serve and simply live like Jesus. It is no longer striving to do so, but it is just an outflow of our reliance and appreciation for the Grace of God in our lives. I recently started thinking okay, I've heard enough of this grace stuff, i get it... Im going to rely on His grace.... But I just found myself so burdened and worn out all the time, with nothing to pour out to him or others. Its because I took my eyes off Jesus, and was so focused on myself and how I can be a better person, how I can get better at praying for people, better at obeying Him, better at hearing His voice, being more diligent in reading and praying... and so on. Self righteousness. No. All that is great, we've all got to get better at all that, no duh. Were human, we cant get it right in our own efforts. So why waste your time, constantly evaluating yourself. Jesus did one final evaluation: we are the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus. Thats whats up. Think of all of the principles and lessons and things in the Bible as an encouragement that when your focus is on Jesus, on grace, they will flow out of your revelation of His grace and into your daily living! You won't have to strive to live that way. That is so wonderful. What a gift! Goodness gracious. Jesus became our sin (without performance and deeds) , so that we could become His righteousness (without performance and deeds!!!) Ahhh. On the cross, Jesus was treated like the worlds greatest sinner, so that we would be treated like we're the best thing in the universe! THANK YOU JESUS. <3 It is so wonderful. We are just so blessed. Goodness gracious.
You can either try to live by your own efforts trying to please Jesus. Or live in total gratitude, knowing you'll never measure up but it doesn't matter because He already "measured us up", and out of that gratitude and rest shall flow the fruit of the spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control) without having to strive!

Ephesians 1:3
³ Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ. ⁴ For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love ⁵ he predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will— ⁶ to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves. ⁷ In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace ⁸ that he lavished on us. With all wisdom and understanding, ⁹ he made known to us the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure, which he purposed in Christ, ¹⁰ to be put into effect when the times reach their fulfillment —to bring unity to all things in heaven and on earth under Christ.
...(Eph 2:1) As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, ² in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. ³ All of us also lived among them at one time,gratifying the cravings of our flesh and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature deserving of wrath. ⁴ But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, ⁵ made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions —it is by grace you have been saved. ⁶ And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, ⁷ in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. ⁸ For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith —and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— ⁹ not by works, so that no one can boast. ¹⁰ For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

There is so much beauty in every step of our journey

I just want to travel. 

& then live somewhere totally new. 

Possibly across the world.

& then end up living on a beach somewhere 

with the husband of my dreams 

& a lovely family serving God with every part of our lives.

Oh...& I want to surf of course.

Growing Up & Moving On

Its senior year, i go to the best school ever, i am surrounded by some of the greatest mentors and leaders ill ever be surrounded by, i am given so much opportunity left and right, and I AM HAVING THE TIME OF MY LIFE. I want to be young forever.
Its hard to think that theres going to come a day in a few months that I am going to have to leave this all behind and start a new chapter of life...Well I'll be honest, its freaks me out and it makes me really sad to think about that. Whats the bummer though is that I always think about it! It seems like in every precious or just fun moment i have with friends or anything at school, the thought crosses my mind that its probably the last time. I mean the thought helps me embrace the moment more, but after its like...man, that sucks, im gunna have to leave all this soon. So lately I've been having such a hard time with this. Like I always feel like I just don't want to grow up and move on with life right now. 
I love high school so much. I love the late night runs to to the grocery store with friends, wandering the halls at school, extreme procrastination (even though i hate it, its funny), running through the halls been loud and obnoxious, messing around in class, talking with my teachers about life and constantly being able to learn so much from my teachers who just totally love their students, sports games, big events, student council, underclassmen, my senior class buds, i could go on and on and get really specific about my school and the people and everything that makes it all so great but i wont...

Anyways, I am having a pretty dang good time. And so I have been asking God to help me trust Him that there is going to be so much more fun and blessing than even now out there in my next part of life! I also asked that he would help to not think about graduation and  leaving so much. 

But this weekend something hit me while i was kind of having a emotional breakdown about not knowing what I am going to do after highschool, not wanting to leave mca, being confused with what my dreams are, and just being confused with a lot of things, and so on. I can't quite put my finger on what hit me, but God definitely did something in my heart. Ever since then...I think about mca, and am so thankful  to go there, yet content that I have to eventually leave and move on. Now I am actually looking forward to whats ahead for me, even though i don't know what that is, I am excited to grow, meet new people, be shaped into the person he has created me to be, have more responsibility, make big decisions based on what I think God wants, more challenges that only make me grow, and so on! Its exciting. Growing up is exciting. All the challenges you face, all the questions you have, friends coming & going, failing & succeeding, all the emotions, and all the character built throughout the beginning of your life. Its all so beautiful!

Christmas time

There is nothing like the Christmas season. I just love it so much. Its all so magical.

Waking up christmas morning to open presents with my family

Sparkling Snow

Families getting together all over

Santa Claus

All of the festivities happening bringing so much excitement for the season

Christmas movies (Elf, Home Alone 2, Grinch, The Holiday, all the classics, etc.)

People all jolly everywhere you go
Going on the roof with my dad to put up lights
Wrapping gifts
Surprises

Awkward family pictures
Coloring books
Ginger snaps
Music productions

Books about christmas

Ornaments, stockings, tinsel

Christmas trees decked out
Christmas church services

Going up north

Black Friday

The Hollidazzle

SNOW

Christmas lights lighting up the streets
Christmassyy flavored drinks
Decorating the tree

The warmth I get when i think about all of this

But the most important:
Jesus being born, humbling Himself to a human, eventually to humble Himself to the point of death.
Christmas music playing wherever you go
So much giving and warm love  for one another
Parents acting suspicious when dealing with presents

EMMANUEL. God with us.

Man that just astounds me. The King of kings, Savior of the world, Redeemer, true Love, son of God, He is with us. This just makes me want to worship with everything that is in me. 

Merry Christmas. <3 Enjoy yourself (: & don't forget to give lots and lots. 

The Secret to Life

There is truly so much in life to be thankful for its crazy. Although, often times it seems so easy to limit our selves to the negative things happening in life. But I believe that one of the most powerful things is thankfulness. I recently saw this quote, and it is so true! "Its not happy people who are thankful, It's thankful people, who are happy." You aren't thankful because your happy...It's when you make the decision to be thankful no matter what the circumstance, you then become happy. Mhh. Its so beautiful isn't it? I love this stuff.
The power of it comes from having to overcome this narrow/negative view of life, then deciding to search for the good things happening or that happened in life. The cool thing about this is, your widening your view, not changing it. I don't want to get rid of or forget the negative things in my life, because many things happen for a reason (sometimes negative things are what bring good things). I want to just magnify the good things, because they bring light and beauty to the negative. Its widening your view, not necessarily changing it.

I'm learning that the secret to life, is being thankful. Give it try. It's fun. & plus God likes it a lot. (:

p.s. HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!